I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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