the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
