capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
