there was a trapeze. enough said
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
