Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
