I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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