tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
