Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
