I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
