A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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