so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
