ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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