OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
