Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
