but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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