do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
