dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
