I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
