I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
