I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She said her name was "party"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
