I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
