I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
