I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
