She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
