Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
