im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
