I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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