you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
