if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You took a bar mat shot.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
