Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize