maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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