i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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