We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
