billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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