even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
