how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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