I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
