Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
