dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
