She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
