omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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