clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
