you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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