I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
