the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
