tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize