we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
