listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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