I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no, he came in my armpit
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
