so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
