i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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