ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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