I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
