He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
