Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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