Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
