So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
