He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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