If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
