It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
