You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
