I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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