She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
