I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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