hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
