Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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