She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
