They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
