Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
